Rebuilding a wall
by TheSlightlyMadOne
Summary: Maybe rebuilding her wall isn't such a bad thing after all. Rated M to be safe. Possible to be slightly AU regarding characters feelings and reactions .
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER : ALL THINGS CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED GO TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS!

(Set when she was with josh season three sometime ish.)

*WARNING CONTAINS MILD VIOLENCE*

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><p>Chapter one.<p>

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><p>Kate felt lost .<p>

She didn't know what to do or how to act , she had never felt this vulnerable .

Heck, she felt down right pathetic .

She was an NYPD detective and she had let a man physically abuse her .

She cringed at the thought . Which led to the reminder of the swollen lip and the deep colored skin on her cheek bone , which took residence of her face.

She sat curled up in a blanket in the corner of her sofa , in the living room of her apartment .

She had called in sick everyday for the past three days and told all her friends , which she considered family, that she would be staying at her dads cabin.

Rick had protested , insisted that she let him take care of her . 'That it was just a cold' ,'that he takes care of sick Alexis all the time' . But in the end she convinced him she would just be more comfortable at he dads cabin .

So there she sat , in silence . Contemplating what to do .

She wasn't blaming Josh 100% , she had hit him first .

But that asshole deserved it.

He had called her a slut for NOT sleeping with him.

He was close to passing out drunk , he was getting handsy and she did NOT want to participate . Simple . As . That .

So when he wouldn't let her go , she put her basic training to work , spun round in his tight grip and let her first come into contact with his jaw.

She smiled slightly as she recalled the stunned look on his face .

He had stood there for a moment and just stared at her . His hand was cupping his jaw with an attempt to sooth the pain.

Then as Kate sat there on her sofa her smiled dropped of her face as she relived the way his shock turned to anger and his hand left his jaw and clapped her lip .

He had hit her so hard that she spun on the spot and slipped hitting the coffee table on her way down.

Kate's eyes landed on the edge of the coffee table where her cheek bone had come in contact with .

She recalled how she had stayed down after bringing herself back and realizing everything that had just happened . She had looked up to she Josh just staring down at her . She replayed the moment so clearly in her head .

"I'm sorry" Josh said whilst looking down at her.

And with that her turned leaving her down on the floor , obviously in pain , grabbed his jacket of a chair on the side , next to her front door , and left without a another word to her .

Kate sat there on the floor , she had no idea for how long , before pushing herself up and making her way to the bathroom .

Her lip had a little cut and was already swelling up . Her cheekbone was already red and swelling pretty bad . she headed over to the freezer and took out a bag of frozen peas and placed them on her face hoping to reduce the swelling .

She cried the night . Hard . And she wasn't totally sure what she was crying about . Another failed romance . The fact she couldn't talk to anyone about it , Because she herself was embarrassed . Then she cried from the realization she wouldn't have been ashamed to talk to her mom about it . But she couldn't . She was gone .

That was the last thing that passed through her mind as sleep slowly dragged her from her miserable reality .

She woke the next morning to her alarm and automatically swung out of bed . She instantly felt a bit dizzy from pain in her head .

Then she remembered - Everything .

She walked over to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

Her face was RED and swollen .

She couldn't go out looking like this .

She started to panic .

'Breathe in , Breathe out.' she calmed herself.

About 10 minutes passed before she looked up to confront herself in the mirror once more .

She figured her best bet would be to call in sick - but then Castle. 'Dam him.' she thought .

She figured she'd just lie to everyone that her dad would be looking after her and for nobody to bother with her , it would just be a waste of time.

She did everything as planed and for three days it worked .

Until her Captain insist she go see a doctor . She said she would just rather take vacation days of instead until she get better as there was no need .

So on the forth day she sat there on her couch wondering how she was getting through this the bruises were taking longer that expected to heal - she was doing the best she could do but apparently not good enough .

She couldn't stay in her apartment forever . Not that she would mind.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Beckett. Beckett , I know you're in there."

She instantly recognized the stern voice . Castle . That was Castle's voice.

Kate instantly felt the panic form inside her . She couldn't open the door , he'd see her face and question it. She couldn't answer , it would just confirm his theory .

"Beckett I called your dad . He said you were never at the cabin , Now open up or I'll knock down the door . " his voice was so sure of itself. "I'm strong enough you know!" His voice then added weakly , as if he was unsure of him self all of a sudden.

The added comment brought a small smile to Kate's lips . But then shook it off as she approached the door . Not to open it but to simple reply - now that she knew for sure he knew she was here .

"Castle , go away." She tried to say with a strong tone , but the ending came out a bit weak and hesitant as her lip moved and she winced in pain .

"Are you okay?" He asked through the door.

"No , I'm not okay . I've got a cold . Now go away."

He ignored the last statement . "You don't sound like you've got a cold."

"Yeah , well I... Ahh." She started , but because had rushed her answer she had ended up biting her lip , in the same spot Josh had hit her as well. She silently congratulated herself on being such a idiot.

"What happened ? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Castle I'm fine . Now leave before I call some uniforms to drag you out of the building."

"NO" he said firmly .

"What!"

"I said No and I'm not leaving until you let me in or tell me whats wrong." He states . "It's obvious you don't have a cold and you've been avoiding everyone , including your dad. So NO , I'm not leaving."

Kate could not believe what she was hearing . He was so STUBBORN.

"FINE, Sit out there then ."

She walks towards the bathroom to tend to her lip .

She came back into the living room and walks towards her front door to listen .

"Are you really not going to let me in?" He asks in a pleading tone .

She rolls her eye's at the though of him sitting out there with a pouting face . She thinks about the idea of letting him in. She instantly shakes the idea off . She cant, the thought of him finding her like this is too humiliating . She cant let anyone ever find her like this .

She walks towards the door and leans with her back towards it , then slides down so she simply sitting against it . Knees brought to her chest , she sighs.

She tilts her hear to the side and brings her hand up next to her face , palm pressed to the cold of the door , as if the gesture would bring him closer to her .

"I cant ." she lets out a breathe she didn't know she was holding .

"Why not , Kate." He can feel the pain in her voice and it pains him to know shes hurting .

She feels her heart shatter , the way he says her first name , with love and concern. She cant let him in , she cant let him see .

"Because I'll break if I do."

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><p>Hope you guys like the first part . Idea's are more than welcome . And helpful reviews are much appreciated .<p>

:) Tell me what you think...


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER : ALL THINGS CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED GO TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS!

(Set when she was with josh season three sometime ish.)

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><p>Chapter two.<p>

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><p>"I cant ." she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding .<p>

"Why not , Kate." He can feel the pain in her voice and it pains him to know she's hurting .

She feels her heart shatter , the way he says her first name , with love and concern. She can't let him in , she can't let him see .

"Because I'll break if I do."

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><p>She feels a teardrop down her swollen cheek .<p>

She feels the pain in her chest as the salt slips into the slightly cracked skin on her face .

And she felt the anger replace the pain simply from the fact she was feeling pain.

'She is Kate Beckett. Detective Kate Beckett.' She let the thought run through her mind. She shouldn't let anything get to her .

Especially something like 'this'.

"Kate?"

She hears his voice and panics . Did he ask her something ? Was she responding automatically ? What did she say ? Did she confess something ?

His voice was soft , but questioning .

"Kate, Please . Just let me in so i can help you ."

She sighs as she releases a breathe and realizes nothing was said.

"Castle , I just need time to get better ."

"Kate , I just want to help you . I need to help you , because i can feel how something has hurt you and it pains me to know that and not do anything about it." He feels the tears well up in his eyes , now to his feet , both hands on either side of the door he looks down to the floor . His head just hanging there.

"Castle... Rick , I just need you to go."

He hears her start to get up from the floor on the other side of the door.

"Kate... No , don't walk away from me." He's begging her . Desperate for her to open up . Let him help. Because he cant let one of the most important people in his life , who is obviously suffering , dwell in pain - for reasons unknown.

Kate just ignored him . His latest speech was just making her feel sorry for herself regarding the situation . It made her just want to open the door , fall into his arms and tell him everything . But it would just make her feel weak . More pathetic. And even more down right miserable . But what she realized more than everything was that she now not only wanted to seek comfort from her mother ; but from Castle too.

She tried her best to block out his pleading tone as he called her name from the outside of her front door . She walked straight to her bedroom , Closed every door on the way there and landed in her bed . She struggled to pull her covers from underneath herself then up and over , pulling and tugging her self in tight . She turned more into her pillow and sighed. Her tear filled her eyes , threaten to spill , so she forced them closed . She just wanted someone to hold her , with no questions asked , no complications ; just a simple comforting hug.

Castle stood at Beckett's front door , lost what to do or say . He was needless to say worried ; but what could he do ? She wasn't opening the door , no longer answering - not that she was giving him any answers prior to the current situation and he couldn't just leave , It would render him a terrible friend. Friends look out for each other and that was what he was intending to do. Anything it took . Always .

Kate just laid there . Her tears long ago had escaped her eyes and now soaked her pillow and pained her cracked face . She was no longer crying but just sobbing quietly now and again . How had she come to this ? She thought to herself . How had she become the girl who simply cried about her problems and avoided everyone so that she didn't have to face their questions and concern, which obviously didn't work , then again when does Castle ever listen or do as he should and just leave her be.

She hit her temple , Lightly . How could she complain about Castle when he's showing signs of concern . All that asshole did after he hit her was look down on her and say 'sorry' and walk away . He left her there . He was a doctor . He didn't check for a concussion or nothing ; He. Did. Not . Care .

But Castle did and that thought warmed her heart the slightest bit , but it did none-the-less. A small smile crept to her face from deep behind those walls surrounding her heart , as she tried to imagine herself in Castles ... No Ricks embrace . With that thought in mind she let sleep take her into a world where she might experience her deepest desires .

Castle sat once again , Quiet as a mouse he thought to himself and chuckled , as he waited . Not for Kate , but for the 'anything he would do to help her '. The elevator too his right 'dinged' signaling an arrival . Without any hesitations , The M.E. , The best-friend , And hopefully the person Kate would talk to walked out of the hallway directly towards Castle.

Castle rose to his feet , rubbing his lower back as he did .

"How's my girl? She open up yet?"

The last question could had been asked with two different contexts in mind.

"No, Nothings changed . I don't understand why she won't let me help her with whatever's wrong." His eyes have an innocent look to them . Lanie can tell that he's not trying to be the usual 9-year-old-on-a-sugar-rush he usually is.

"Sweety, If somethings wrong I'll know . But Kate Beckett is a very private , independent person . You should know that by now ."

"I know but ... i just just thought that we were past that . I mean .. Shes one of the most important people in my life and she means a lot to me .. as a friend." He added .

Lanie gave him a sympathetic smile and turned to open the door.

"You sure she won't mind you using that ." He said as he pointed to the key in the M.E.'s hand , approaching the lock .

"If somethings wrong , and i have a good feeling something is , she won't have a say in the matter ." And with that Lanie opened the door before Castle could get another word out of his mouth.

They both walked in and were shocked by what the saw .

The kitchen utensils were piled in the sink and to the side of it as it probably got full . The island in the middle of her kitchen was full of take away boxes and more plates and cups - used of course . He couch look like it had had a few good night of being slept on . The coffee table had a collection of take away cup , which looked to have been delivered , and a variety of differently shaped pastry boxed , which where probably part of deliveries too .

Castle looked towards Lanie for confirmation of what he was seeing . Her face was all he needed to see . This was beyond - even for Kate. They both knew she was a take away junkie , but this? Not even an ill person would produce this kind of mess .

But in all this mess there was no Kate.

Lanie started towards the bedroom. Castle instantly began to follow . The M.E. sensed this and stopped turned and stopped him with her hand to his chest .

"Nope ... You stay he writer-boy." She said with a little grin on her face . Expecting him to protest.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah , Okay . Kate obviously didn't want me so - Okay." He gave with a shrug.

Lanie had already lost the smirk of her face so she gave him a sympathetic smile . The smile was interrupted by a noise coming from Kate bedroom. They both looked towards the door . Lanie let her hand drop to her side .

"Wait here." She told Castle with a firm voice . She pointed a finger at him saying so . He nodded .

When Lanie got to Kate's bedroom door she had one hand on the doorknob and one ready to knock.

"Kate?" She asked doing so she also knocked .

She got no response , just the clearer sound of what now sounded like struggle .

Lanie felt a tiny bit panicked . So she simply stated she was coming in whilst doing so.

The M.E. walked in to find her best friend shuffling and turning in her bed , fisting the sheets and then punching the pillows . The room was dark Lanie could hardly see anything . She could hardly see Kate.

Kate was still turning in her bed . Lanie finally registered that she was having a nightmare, so she walked over to her friend to help her out of it . She sat on the side of the bed , Kate was currently facing the other way even with all her shuffling Lanie couldn't get a clear look at her . She put her hand on her friends shoulder to turn her and shake her out of it . She gasped at what she saw next .

Her friend was black and blue . Lanie pulled her hand away and covered her mouth as if to cover the sound of her gasp . It didn't wake Kate and she was still in a terrible nightmare , so Lanie pulled herself together and went to wake her friend as she was now starting to really struggle , She figured she would ask questions later about the state she was in.

Castle was growing more and more restless as he could her Kates turns and struggles stronger. Finally he couldn't take it anymore when he heard Lanie gasp ; Why was Lanie gasping ? He thought to himself. He made his way to Kate bedroom.

Lanie , after shaking Kate continuously , Had got her to sit up frantically and stop turning and struggling . But Kate still looked like she was in dream state ; Her eyes were open , she was sweating a river and breathing heavy and deep , like she just came out from under water. This had Lanie overly concerned .

Castle stood there in the doorway of Kate bedroom and stared at her . Even in only the light coming in off the street he could see how her face was basically covered in bruises and cuts . She was just staring at him . He just stared back at her . He could see the tears in her eyes ready to escape and she let them and he saw and this hurt more than ever . She couldn't take all the pain anymore ; she just broke down .

Lanie realised Kate was looking 'at' someone , she turned toward the doorway and saw Castle. She didn't even question him coming after saying he wouldn't she was as lost for words and what to do as much as him . They just gave each other questioning looks . When he gave no response and just stood there looking at them ; Lanie with her hand making soothing circles on Kates back and the other in a vice grip of Kates right, she had no where to go .

"Kate , honey?" Kate looked to her best friend , she knew had tears rolling down her face and she was finding it harder and harder to breathe ; between the way she woke to find Castle looking at her in a way she never thought anyone would again , In a way she would never let anyone look at her . She wouldn't give them a reason too, she had promised herself all those years ago. Then the nightmare she was having ; She felt like she wanted to run and never look back .

Kate registered she was being waited on for a response so she made her eyes focus on her best friend and give reason she was paying attention.

Lanie gave a smile when she saw Kate had finally snapped out of the first stage of her panic attack and realised where she was.

"I need you to breathe , Kate." All kate did was nod , It felt automatic.

"In through the nose and out for the mouth , Can you do that for me?" Kate just nodded again.

Lanie sighed. She wasnt really , ' really ' getting through to her. Castle started to snap back into reality . Kate wasn't getting any better and Lanie of all people couldn't fix it from what he saw .

He walked up to the bed and pulled Kates hand from Lanie's into his own . She thanked him and quickly rushed out of the bedroom ; he didn't know where .

Kate was staring into his eye's , as if looking for somewhere to run and hide .

He couldn't help the pain in his heart at the sympathy he felt for her , someone had hurt his Beckett , His Kate. She had said she would break if she let him in . But he never expected 'this'.

She would always be beautiful , but someone made her face black and blue . She had a cut on her lip and a small barely noticeable one on her cheekbone. He just wanted to reach out and touch her face , comfort her , but he remembered the current state she was in . They could deal with everything else later.

He pulled her hand that was in his to his chest and placed it firmly in the middle , she looked from his eyes to his chest and back forth with question and a slight bit of anger . He smiled to her ; a sign of his Beckett he thought silently. She was still breathing franticly . He places his hand on her's which was currently at the side of her thigh on the bed , sort of supporting her weight . He pulls her hand up so sit in the middle of her own chest and then rests his own on top . She's looking at him now with pure anger . Her eyebrows are scrunched .

"There's my dear Detective." He says with an even bigger smile .

"Castle!" She says with a threatening , sort of breathless tone.

"Beckett , calm down , Stop worrying for just a moment." God she's going to shot me after this. He thinks to himself.

With her hands resting on his and her own chest , including his over hers to keep them in place, He looks deep in to her eyes demanding her focus.

"Copy me." He takes a deep breath in through the nose and holds .

She just looks at his for a moment . She still can't breathe ,what was he even on about . God she just wants to run away from everyone and everything right now . She tries to move away .

"No , Kate you can't run away from this." He keeps her hands in place.

Kate feels the panic getting heavier . She sees lanie come back in the room holding a brown paper bag . Castle see's too and lets Kate have her hands back but Lanie had noticed their position and shoots Castle a questioning look with a single raised eyebrow.

"What ? I was trying to help.." Castle states .

"Uhmm...hmm.." Lanie simply replies .

Kate just sits there watching the too banter . Is that what she and Castle look like when they do it? She thinks to herself. She sits there , breathing in and out with the paper bag, wanting this whole situation too have not just happened.

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><p>Thanks too all that followed  favorited / reviewed . Next chapter should be up sooner that this one . :)


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER :ALL THINGS CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED GO TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS!

(Set when she was with josh season three sometime ish.)

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><p>Chapter Three.<p>

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><p>Kate just sits there watching the two banter . Is that what she and Castle look like when they do it? She thinks to herself. She sits there , breathing in and out with the paper bag, wanting this whole situation too have not just happened.<p>

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><p>Everyone stays in their positions for a few minutes even after it looks like Kate has calmed down and her breathing has returned to normal . Nobody says anything . They all just sit there , awkwardly . Castle on his knees in front of Kate, Kate herself now on the foot of the bed and Lanie standing next to her.<p>

Kate is just looking down at the spot in front of Castle , afraid that if she looks up at two very important people in her life , she'll break all over again. What the heck? She thinks to herself. She is broken .

Lanie and Castle share a look , both of concern , uncertainty of what to do.

"Hey, Kate?" Lanie places a hand on Kate's shoulder . Kate flinches just that tiny bit ; She just wasn't expecting it thats all - she wasn't afraid. She wasn't . She told herself.

Without looking at either of them she started to get up. Castle stood and began to move back to give her space.

"Umm... Yeah . I'm Just going to use the bathroom quickly to wash my face ." Pointing to her face " Cos... U'know.. Well yeah." She quickly made her way to her en-suit and closed the door before they could comment .

Castle and Lanie looked at each other. Castle was the one to break the silence.

"Should we had let her go in alone?"

"She needs a bit of privacy and time to prepare."

"Prepare for what" He asks.

"I thought you of all people Castle would want to know where those bruises and cuts on her face came from." Lanie replied sarcastically but still with equal concern to her best friend.

"I wasn't going to push , I thought I would just ... U'know " He just shrugged.

"No Castle , I don't . And those marks didn't magically appear there and that's the reason she took days off work. Beckett is a strong woman and someone did that to her meaning she didn't really fight back - and i've got a feeling i know who." Castle stood there for a moment contemplating what he just took in . Who wouldn't she fight back against ? Who would she let hit her that bad?

Then it hit him - he felt like he never felt anger until that moment . Motorcycle-boy was gonna get it , in the face and mutiple times. His fists were clenching , knuckles white and nails digging into his palm ; possible drawing blood. He didn't care.

Lanie could see Castle's face going RED , he face was scrunched and she could see how tense he suddenly was. Oh God .He looked like he was going to explode . She had never seen Rick Castle this angry and she had no idea what to do . Dammit she thought - she should have kept her mouth shut.

"Castle... You need to hold it together ." The M.E. told him whilst making her way closer to him.

He stared at her point blank . He was in shock .

"How on earth could someone do ... that... to someone they ... I guess... What the hell is she doing with him!" His voice was raised , his hand gestured in the direction of the bathroom .

Lanie could see the tears starting to slip out of his eyes. She pulled him in for a hug , hoping it would calm him down a bit . This man had it hard, she thought . Not that anyone else close to her wouldn't feel the same way , heck most people would be worried about the state she's in.

"You need to keep your voice down sweety."

He nodded in response. They pulled apart , just before the hug got too awkward .

"Come on lets go into the kitchen." Lanie said as she started to make her way . He looked to and from the door to the M.E.

"She'll be fine , just give her some time" Lanie said once she realised he was not following .

Castle let out a little sigh and followed through , letting Kate have her space.

Kate sat on the floor , her back against the sink cabinet and her knees brought to her chest . She wrapped her hands round her head as tightly as possible ; as if the action would make the situation go away. She had heard some muffled sounds from the other side of the door which she presumed to be Castle , but didn't take much notice of it ; she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts , worries and concentration to make some sort of plan to deal with this mess. She shook her head at the idea of 'a plan' . How was she supposed to make a plan when every time she went to look at them she would break down all over again from the looks they were giving her ; she didn't need their sympathy , She just needed time to heal . Not see her face in the shape it was currently in and move on. No big deal . I've dealt with worse injuries. It shouldn't matter where or how i got them. I threw the first punch ; i should have seen it coming , only fair . So why is it affecting me so much? Why cant i move on ?

She now had her arms folded over her knees and was lightly tapping her head against them.

Because someone keeps on creating difficult situations... How did Lanie get in anyway? She thought to herself , then remembering the spare key she gave her for emergencies . She silently scolded herself for that one.

She let out a sigh . She couldn't stay in this bathroom forever. But she didn't want to leave . She wanted them to just leave and forget about it . I'm fine . She thought to herself. They should know that , That she could handle this . Could she? She asked herself. All she wanted to do was dig a hole and put her head in it. Get on her bike and just drive ; she didn't care where. Leaving did sound like a good idea . Something that would calm her down . She was too tired to run ; that would have been great. A walk yeah a walk would be good right now.

With that idea in mind she rose to her feel . She was in her P.J.'s , she'd need to change. She walked out of the bathroom to find the bedroom empty . She was so thankful but doubted they had left just like that . She quickly went to close the bedroom door , doing so she heard them in the living room talking , but she couldn't make out what exactly . Probably about her and her current situation she guessed . She shrugged it off , she just wanted to go for a walk right now ; that was the best thing she could do she concluded.

She shut the door with a click which they probably registered because she could hear them start to shuffle .

"Kate , hunny you ok? "

She hesitated for a moment thinking her voice would give something away ."Yeah i'll be out in a minute."

Her voice came out scratchy , she shivered at the sound of it , wonder what they might be thinking of it. She heard them move away from the door , thankful they let it be . She continued to get changed .

She pulled on jeans , a stretchy long sleeved top and went in search for a jacket . She found one of her old ones ; Leather with a cloth hood attached.

She let her hair down and moved it forward to each side of her face . She pulled the hood up onto her head hoping it would shadow her face more.

She was ready to walk out , ready to grab her keys and purse from the front table and go. But she couldn't bring herself to leave her bedroom . Her hand lingered at her doorknob . What was she waiting for ? she asked herself. She hesitated a moment more before finding a firm grip on the knob and twisting it to open the door .

Castle and Lanie found themselves back at the mini breakfast bar waiting, without pushing for Beckett to make her appearance . Castle lets out a sigh , thinking shes never going to open up willingly. His face instantly responds to the sound of the bedroom door opening , Lanie however takes a moment to register but also turns in said direction.

They watch Beckett walk out with her head hung low and making no direct eye contact . She looks like she's about to say something , but then hesitates and closes her mouth .

Both Lanie and Castle realize she dressed to leave and not stay in . Castle shakes his head at the idea.

"Beckett..." but she speaks up before he can continue.

"I'm just going to cool off for a bit ... Get some fresh air." Still making no eye contact she makes her way towards the door , but not before stopping at the table to grab her keys and purse of the top.

Without thinking Castle has already made his way over to the door , Blocking her escape. She still won't look at him . She's maybe a foot away from him breathing on her and she can feel his piercing blue eyes staring down at her , but she just can't bring herself to look at him.

"Castle move i need to go." Her voice comes out weak , even though she meant for it to sound strong.

"Where are you running to Kate." His voice is so powerful , she hates that he has this effect on her ; The way he uses her first name , it sends a pain threw her chest.

She shifts her focus from his chest , to his feet and then to the side hallway closet. She can feel the tears welling again in her eyes and the anger building up inside from it. She hates where she is , so vulnerable in front of the people who mean so much to her ; they should never have had to see her like this.

Then suddenly she feels a hand on her shoulder . She instantly reacts , Turning round and taking a step back , she realises it was Lanie , but still she had bumped into Castle . She moves away from him more towards the corner closet .

They can both see she's starting to panic again, Castle has his hands out towards her from trying to steady her, back when she bumped into him.

Kate's hood has fallen down and Castle can see the full extent of the damage done to her face . He feels himself start to tense again , but takes a breath for Kate's sake .

Kate closes her eyes trying to calm herself . She just wanted to leave. Calm herself for this exact reason . She can't deal with anyone right now , why don't they understand? She can't make herself any better , just the thought of opening her eyes and she can feel the panic deepen .

But still she opens her eyes to see Castle , his baby blues full of concern , looking at her with sympathy . She tries to give him one of her eye rolls and insist shes fine , instead she feel Castle's strong arms wrap around her . Feeling her head tip back all she could see was her living room ; upside down and then nothing.

Beckett's eyes roll back as she lay limp in Castles arms.

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><p>Hey hey hey two chapters in a few hours :)<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER :ALL THINGS CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED GO TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS!**

**(Set when she was with josh season three sometime ish.)**

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><p>Chapter Four.<p>

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><p>Kate woke from the feeling of someone snuggling into her , more and more. She liked the feeling and let herself relish it . Their hands crept slowly up and down her body . She pushed back into a firm , hard chest . He pulled her in closer to him . One hand at her lower abdomen and the other was massaging one of her breasts. What a feeling to wake up to , She thought to herself.<p>

"Josh... " She hummed to herself . She needed to get ready for work.

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><p>Castle looked away from the game on his phone when Kate begun to stir. Lanie had put him on 'Kate supervision duty' because she needed to go out and get a few supplies . Kate's medicine cabinet needed stocking immediately .<p>

She must be having a bad dream again . Castle thought. But she wasn't struggling , just stirring slightly. Then he heard the slip, He could barely make out the word that slipped her lips.

"Josh... " His fists clenched yet again ; She was dreaming of motorcycle-boy? And by dreaming he meant... He rolled his eye's at the thought .

His hand slapped over his mouth ; there she said his name , Again.

"She ...She's having a ... ? Sex dream? "He couldn't help but let a cocky grin slip onto his face . Yes , She was .. Having a sex dream. Even though Castle knew she was having said dream with 'Dr. Soon-to-be-fucked-up-face.' He couldn't help but relish in the idea of watching 'his' muse , have release.

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><p>Kate shifted in her boyfriend embrace .<p>

"Josh ... I need to get ready ." He just pulled her closer and nibbled on her neck.

"No , common you like it babe." She smiled but could feel his grip getting tighter. She started to pull his hands off her and slide out of bed . He just pulled her firmer , her back to his chest.

"No, Josh I don't want to." She said with a strong voice.

"Josh?" His voice suddenly sounded strange , but familiar.

She turned in his arms . She gasped. "Castle?" .

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><p>Castle noticed that Kate was starting to still more forcefully, maybe she was having a bad dream after all . God he felt bad , he should just wake her up .<p>

Castle started to get up from his chair to wake beckett up when he heard her ; Did she just ? My name ? Castle?

Rick had froze on the spot . She looked like she was earlier . She was fighting someone again. Me or him? Castle couldn't help the question slip into his mind . She had said both their names. He went to wake her up.

"Kate?" he shook her shoulders lightly but she turned out of his hold.

"Hey, Kate wake up . It's just a dream." He told her with his best reassuring tone . But it seemed the more he was talking the more she was struggling .

"Kate.. Kate... BECKETT?" and with that she snapped up , frantically looking around.

Her gaze finally landed on him and instantly she started to shuffle away from him on the bed . He was giving her an awkward smile until he saw the look on her face , she looked stiff scared of him and she was moving away from him as if she was scared. Castle felt his chest ache at the thought , she, his detective . The strong , fierce woman was scared of him and he could see it so clear on her face ; he had to fix this.

"Kate , " he started with a reassuring tone. " It's me , Castle." He smiled. Then continued. "It was just a dream Kate. You're OK ." She looked terrified . He just waited for her to take in her surroundings , she would realise soon enough herself it was just a dream. That always worked with Alexis when she had nightmares. But he had never seen her experience anything like this . Kate looked like she had just had a bath , she was soaked in sweat and was shaking terribly .

Kate looked around the room , It was dark . How had it gotten dark so fast? She looked at Castle he was dressed and not next to her in bed but respectively to the side as if he had just got up from the chair behind him . Her face hurt . She then remembered everything that happened the past few days . She touched her fingers lightly to her lip when she saw the look he was giving her. She was so confused.

Castle started to lean closer .

"No! Don't come near me!"

Castle backed off slowly , but not too much , still keeping near . Hoping to comfort her maybe.

Kate could feel his eyes on her, even tho she now had her knees brought up to her chest and had her head hidden in her folded arms. All she wanted to do was run. Hide away from the world. She hated this and it just made her feel worse .She wished she had her mom more than anything right now , she would just hide away in her arms . Cry until she had no more tears to shed . Cry until she felt numb to the world around her . She would have been able to cope if Castle hadn't butted in; called lanie and let themselves in to find her . It wasn't so much what had happened , she thought to herself but the fact that two of the most import people to her had found her this way . They had found her weak and crumbled . She looked pathetic and weak ...and crumbled, she never wanted anyone to find her this way. Kate couldn't help but let all these thoughts race through her mind. Her wall was broken and she didn't know how to build it back up again.

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><p><strong>Sorry for taking so long to post this chapter . The next is going to take even longer seeing as i no longer have a laptop and it's going to take a while to get another .<strong>

**Reviews are really appreciated . And thanks to all the followers ! never had so many ! Yay!**

**And Sorry this chapter is so short i just wanted to get something up for the time being.**

**Tell me what you guys think :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Rebuilding a wall.

DISCLAIMER :ALL THINGS CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED GO TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS!

Chapter five.

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><p>Previously...<p>

It wasn't so much what had happened , she thought to herself but the fact that two of the most import people to her had found her this way . They had found her weak and crumbled . She looked pathetic and weak ...and crumbled, she never wanted anyone to find her this way. Kate couldn't help but let all these thoughts race through her mind. Her wall was broken and she didn't know how to build it back up again.

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><p>Kate looked up from her little cocoon she had hidden herself in . Castle was looking down at the floor , she couldn't help but feel bad for the situation that she had forced them into , But if they didn't come - God, she wishes they didn't come .<p>

"Castle ... Can you just give me a minute ?" Her voice sounded hoarse as she spoke and looked towards him.

He looks up and they met eye to eye . She can see the pain shes causing him and can't help it but she just wants him to leave , him and Lanie , if they had just left when she asked them too they wouldn't all be in this mess . She would had taken her few days , healed up nice and good and gone back to work - moved on . But no. Castle just had to be all... Castle . He came when she was vulnerable and weak - on her way to a full recovery , but still - and found a crack in her wall before she could cement it up. He tried to squeeze through and he ended up knocking it all down .

Castle starts to look around the room frantically , looking for something to stall .

"What Castle, I just need a minute... Is it so hard to just walk out and give me some privacy?" She snapps . Showing a bit more of her Beckett attitude unwillingly.

His right hand massages the back of his neck and his eyes drift to the ground awkwardly.

"What . What is it?" She senses his hesitation .

"Lanie told me not to leave you alone ... " He suddenly finds the colour of her floor very interesting.

Kates mouth hands slightly open , she can't believe this - they're treating her like a child ! First they let themselves in after Castle refused to leave her front door, then they wouldn't leave her alone , won't let her leave and now ? now , she's not within her right to have her own space!

Shes gone from self pity and humiliation to being furious in a matter of seconds !

"I'm not a child . I don't give a damn what Lanie said and i want you to give me some privacy - in fact i want you to leave and tell Lanie not to bother me from wherever the hell she went." Kate shouts in his face , now standing toe to toe with him as she practically jumped out of the bed with her outburst .

"She went to get some medical supplies to patch you up - you didn't have anything here and you're not exactly healing well." He says calmly ignoring her demands and finally looking her in the eyes .

He looks more determined she notices but she still isn't prepared to back down .

They stand there , staring at each other , both holding their glares at one another until...

She releases a huff and turns towards the en-suit and locking herself inside .

He doesn't even get another word out , she might aswell have ran at full speed away from him .

'She's so stubborn!' he tells himself . His hands form into fists at his sides , knuckles turning white with anger .

He turned towards the bed and plops down making a dip in the mattress . Then he waits . He glances from one door to the other , hoping Lanie will be first to appear . He doesn't think he can deal with the tantrum that is Kate Beckett . He doesn't understand why shes like this , why she hid away from him and the people who want to help she should have some to them - God he can't think what he'll do when he see josh next , if he see's josh - heck if not , he'll hunt him down!

He hears the shower turn on , but no recognisable sounds to anyone using it .

He lets his back hit the mattress to relax a little - the chair he was sitting in was not doing him any good , neither is the stress and worry , but he just wants to help they all do .

He's not sure how long he lays there listening to the shower run but the next sound he hears is a instant relief... The one after , not so much .

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><p>AN : Okay ... finally posted something ... turns out when you complain you can't write - you suddenly can !

Anyway please review . All mistakes are mine !

Happy Castle Monday everyone!


	6. Chapter 6

Rebuilding a wall.

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><p>DISCLAIMER :ALL THINGS CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED GO TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS!<p>

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><p>Chapter six.<p>

* * *

><p>Previously...<p>

He's not sure how long he lays there listening to the shower run but the next sound he hears is a instant relief... The one after , not so much .

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><p>Castle heard The recognisable sound that Lanie had returned , He bolted upright only then to hear the sound of the shower being switched off - 'Of course they would both make their appearances at the same time' he thought to himself giving a classic Beckett eye roll as well.<p>

He quickly decided that he should just get Lanie in here , she seemed to always be able to put Kate in her place .

He quickly rushed out of the bedroom and towards the living only to bump into the M.E. on the way .

"Castle! Careful. " Lanie exclaimed , juggling various items .

"Sorry, Sorry . But you need to get in there - She locked herself in the bathroom when i wouldn't leave . I don't know what to do Lanie - She doesn't want our help !" Castle eyes were glossy by the end of his statement and Lanie couldn't help but feel bad for the writer.

"Don't worry hun , I'll deal with her and she'll be damned if she does not accept my help , she's got no say anyway." Lanie smiled at him . "Why don't you got sit in the living room , calm down at bit?"

"Yeah , yeah i think i'll do that - maybe clean up a bit too. God Lanie , She never gets this sloppy . I'm worried about her!"

"I know , i'm worried about her too, now you go do that - I'm gonna go check on our girl."

They both turned their separate ways and got on with it .

When Lanie entered Kate bedroom she wasn't surprised to find her still locked away in the bathroom. She let out a huff and placed the items she acquired on the bed and headed over to the bathroom door, Knocking with no hesitation what-so-ever.

"Kate? You gunna come out and let me patch you up or am I callin' Javi to knock down this door ? 'Cos i think we all know your writer-boy bruises easily and we wouldn't want that now wou..." Lanie got cut off by Kate swinging the door open and shooting a glare at her that didn't even accomplish it mission . Lanie just grinned back at her like a cheshire cat - she knew that that comment would get to her .

"He's not 'my' anything Lanie."

"Okay , Okay whatever you say." Lanie throws her hands up as if surrendering- As if !

"Common sit down on the bed so i can tend to this damage." Lanie continues whilst her lips press together at the sight of her best friend.

"I'm fine , I dealt with it when it happened - It doesn't even hurt anymore." Kate tried to pull of a smile when...

"Ouch ... What the hell Lanie?!"

"Doesn't hurt huh?"

Kate glared at Lanie with all she had , the cut on her lip was now open again and she tasted blood . Tapping her finger lightly to the wound confirmed it.

"Look what you done - you reopened the cut!" Kate said continuing with her stern look .

"Well now we both agree that I have something to tend to... Now stay still or do i have to inject you with something to make you all happy and cooperative?" Lanie threatened , ginning again at the thought .

"You wouldn't..." Kate dared .

"Ohhh ... But i would - As it's obvious to any medical professional that you're in pain - i don't think it would be a bad idea!" Lanie starts to shuffle around her bag of supplies .

"Fine ... Get on with ...whatever , just don't dope me up with any pain meds!" Kate wined .

Lanie gave a genuine smile at the sight of Kate Beckett giving in , the she went to work patching her up .

After a few good minutes of awkward silence Lanie finally was the one to break it.

"So you gonna tell me why you givin' writer-boy such a hard time?"

Kate open and closes her mouth , unsure what to say . She just looks away towards the floor avoiding eye contact .

Lanie can see the wheels turning in Kates head so she gives her the time to let them roll and for her to dwell on her question - whilst she finishes tending to her self licked wounds of course.

Lanies packing away most of the supplies when Kate finally speaks up.

"You guys shouldn't have come." She states .

Well that's not what the M.E. was expecting .

"Girl imma smack you." Lanie moves to stand in front of Beckett , arms folded and prepared to give it her all. "That guy out there cares about you," _which is this centuries understatement_ She adds silently to herself. "We all care about you and i don't understand why you would hide away like this , from us - all of us . You should have called someone Kate , anyone. I know you like to hide away and lick your wounds by yourself - Physical and emotional wounds by the way . And dont give me that look - i know you know what i mean ." Lanie can't help by smile at the little chuckle Beckett lets out .

Kate always did have a soft spot for Lanie's lectures in life, even thought she might not agree with them a 100% of the time.

"I can't help it Lanie , It's just ... I... I Just heal better by myself... It's easier." Kate can feel tears welling in her eyes at the admission .

Lanie lays a comforting hand on her friends shoulder .

"Honey , You think it's easier , but really it's not . You've got people who are willing to stand by you and help you no matter what . I think it's long overdue that you start accepting what we're all offering ."

Kate can't help the slightly confused look that appears on her face with its own accord.

Lanie raises an eyebrow at her in return and continues .

"We all love you to bits Kate but sometimes girl you're just too plain hardheaded to realise what you've got right in front of you . Instead you go galavanting around with men you know you can never really open your heart too and instead stay with one foot out the door . Then look where you end up ... What the hell happened anyway.. And don't even try lyin' to me Katherine Beckett cos i will whoop your ass to kingdom kong." Lanie scolded with her finger firmly pointed at the detective.

Kate just sat there wide eyed and speechless - she had absolutely no idea how to respond .

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><p>AN: Cliff hanger i know - sorry .

Please review - it makes my day ...

All mistakes are mine , but feel free to point them out! :)


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